Sometime, especially around people I don't know well, I can be awkward. Things might not appear awkward, but I feel awkward. I don't know what to say or worry what people will think of me. All you introverts probably know what I'm saying.
One thing that's bummed me out lately is my lack of rapport with my collegues. My school is small, very small. There is one math teacher, one science teacher, one for PE and social studies (me) and two language arts teachers. Things have always been cordial and professional, but never felt like I really clicked. The lunch room jokes and hijinks went on with me as a bystander. And that's no fun.
The other day I had had enough. I think a lot about how it will be on my death bed; what I'll look back and regret, and what I'll say I'm glad I did. Death Bed Me is my wisest self. He sees the worth of actions and things stripped to their core, free of the day-to-day emotion that colors my judgement. Death Bed Me knows I have nothing to lose. He knows that becuase he's about to die, so he wonders why I make big deals out of small things and neglect the big things. I knew he would say, "Why the heck did you spend so much time being awkward. Just be yourself and love people!"
What did I have to lose? It's May. I've been with these people since August. Things should be more comfortable!
So at home I put on my white board among my goals "Be the best teacher/coworker ever. " And if you don't think that the power of positive thinking is real, it is.
Long story short things have been great. People I felt might have disliked me only a few weeks ago I know spend lunch laughing with. People have come by my room just to shoot the breeze. It's amazing how a little self confidence can change your life.
So ask your Death Bed Me what he/she would change and get some self confidence of your own. What do you have to lose?
One thing that's bummed me out lately is my lack of rapport with my collegues. My school is small, very small. There is one math teacher, one science teacher, one for PE and social studies (me) and two language arts teachers. Things have always been cordial and professional, but never felt like I really clicked. The lunch room jokes and hijinks went on with me as a bystander. And that's no fun.
The other day I had had enough. I think a lot about how it will be on my death bed; what I'll look back and regret, and what I'll say I'm glad I did. Death Bed Me is my wisest self. He sees the worth of actions and things stripped to their core, free of the day-to-day emotion that colors my judgement. Death Bed Me knows I have nothing to lose. He knows that becuase he's about to die, so he wonders why I make big deals out of small things and neglect the big things. I knew he would say, "Why the heck did you spend so much time being awkward. Just be yourself and love people!"
What did I have to lose? It's May. I've been with these people since August. Things should be more comfortable!
So at home I put on my white board among my goals "Be the best teacher/coworker ever. " And if you don't think that the power of positive thinking is real, it is.
Long story short things have been great. People I felt might have disliked me only a few weeks ago I know spend lunch laughing with. People have come by my room just to shoot the breeze. It's amazing how a little self confidence can change your life.
So ask your Death Bed Me what he/she would change and get some self confidence of your own. What do you have to lose?
12 comments:
I love consulting with "Death Bed Me." That's a good way of putting it. I look at it more like, what if I didn't make it to tomorrow. I always want to know that I did everything possible to make my life the best it could be. I also keep a quotable magnet in my locker "Do one thing that scares you everyday!" Whenever I look at it and follow through, I always have a memorable day.
Thanks for this! I'm having an especially awkward couple of weeks but now I'll work on a few positive phrases and get out of my slump!!!
Wow. I've been reading through your blog entries...and their awesome. this one in particular has helped me out through the past couple weeks.
all I can say is...why'd you stop writing? I know at least 10 people who would love for you to keep writing these blogs, including me.
PLease please pleaaaase. more!
Ahh. I just googled "how to stop being awkward" (I know, I am just lame)and I came across your blog. It's what I needed. Thanks!
I also googled "how to stop being awkward" because frankly, it's starting to get depressing. Thanks for your advice. I think I will give it a shot today.
Thanks for the advice. I too googled this up lol. What do you think the best way is to bring about this self confidence though? It seems easier said than done.
Very interesting topic. I blogged about the same topic too, except I'm not usually awkward w/ everyone, but I start awkward silences just too easily. I try to think of ways to stop them...it stops the silence but creates an awkward moment.
My friends are fine w/ it. They find awkwardness "funny" but I'm not fine w/ it!
http://kadywee.livejournal.com/29876.html
I have class with someone who I like, but since I don't want a relationship right now, I'm extra-awkward around him (and am unfortunately paying extra-close attention to other people watching my awkward interactions with him, making the awkward unbareably uncomfortable and embarassing) whenever we do talk, and blab like I have never blabbed before.
The life of the awkward nineteen year old. Oy vey.
I'll let you know how things unravel after I consult my "Death Bed Me" in my interactions with...people in general.
Thanks for the good laugh and good advice!
Its Thursday. I half-way consulted death bed me. My other half suffers from Chronic Social Awkward Reflex Disease, which when confronted, visciously attacks any and all attempts at behaving like a normal human being (whatever normal is).
Needless to say, death bed me is a little meek. Death bed me probably is on said death bed due to the Disease.
Onto the next one. Where's the nutella?
It's nice to know that so many others deal with the same problem...and really good advice :) I actually feel a lot better already.
I also googled how not to be awkward. Thanks for writing about deathbed me. That IS a really good way to put my situation into perspective!
I believe confidence comes when people start to like you or at least when you think people like you, and enjoy you. After that starts to happen you start thinking, hey I guess I'm pretty fun. And it builds from there.
I've become pretty awkward from my circumstances, the restriction of what I want to say because people will find me different And I've been told that no one would believe me and that my mother said I shouldn't talk about it with my peers has led to me keeping to myself. All this energy that I want to relinquish is stuck inside, and until I either build up enough courage or someone apologizes to me for their actions, I seriously think I will stay the same. I am as good as I am going to get until that happens.
I Googled how not to be awkward and this is the first site I came across and clicked on. Not much critical information to help you, but still.
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