10 Years: Never Let Fear Dictate Anything

Now that I'm 30, I'm on a plan to guide the next 10 years of my life.  I've set out a number of principles I want to live by.  Number 4:  Never let fear dictate anything.

Fear and a lack of ability are the greatest culprits that limit the course of our life.  One we can't do anything about, but one we can.

Lets look at lack of ability.  Each of us has a certain level of natural talent in any given area, like singing, basketball, or art.  We can hone and improve these abilities, but will eventually run into the ceiling of what we can accomplish.

Example 1:  No matter how hard I put into my basketball game, I will never be able to touch LeBron James on the basketball court.  This is an assumption, because I never attempted to become a professional basketball player.

Example 2:  No matter how many singing lessons I take, I will remain a terrible singer.  This is a fact, because I have taken singing lessons, and was even the lead singer of Christian rock band(!) in college.  We were awful, and I am largely to blame.

These are God given limitations and I don't feel bad for them.  I am who I am.  I'm good at other things, like playing video games, or reading quickly.   And even though my Christian rock band sucked in nearly every way a band can suck, it was still a really awesome experience, one I would never trade.

Yes, the singing was terrible, the guitars hit more wrong notes than right notes, and our drummer was more into anime than being a drummer.  We still played shows in front of hundreds of people.  We made a demo CD that people actually bought.  Kids asked us for autographs.  Somewhere, some kid who is probably off to college now has a CD signed by me stuffed in some drawer.

I actually feel a little guilty that someone paid money for my CD, so if you happen to own an Again United CD, I will refund you $3.

Fear is a different beast.  Fear kills experiences before they ever happen.  Fear turns failure from a life enriching learning experience into an all-consuming boogie man.  Fear must be avoided.  Failure must be embraced.

Fear of failure can keep us from so many great things in life.  And worst of all, when you don't try something because you were afraid, for the rest of your life you'll never know what might have happened.  I don't want to be laying on my Death Bed wondering if I ever could have been a rock star.

I've applied this in other areas of my life.  I started a business at age 23.  It failed, but morphed into a non-profit that did a lot of good.  I plan on taking the lessons from my first business and hope to start another one at some point in my life.

And I've failed to do this in other areas of my life.  Take my wonderful girlfriend, who nannies at the school where I teach.  The first time I saw her she literally took my breath away, she was so beautiful.  I literally walked past her every day for a year, and never got the nerve up to say hi.   Day after day I walked by her, my courage wilting and words sticking in my throat.  Then summer came and I saw her no more.  I kicked myself for that, but luckily got a second chance when met by chance at a local festival.  But we don't always get second chances.

If you aren't failing, you aren't trying.  We all have dreams and aspirations that we're afraid to even say aloud because they seem so unlikely.  Say them.  Dream them.  Do them.  You might fail, you might succeed, but you will never know if you don't try.

Weekend Idea: Adult Tree House

Tree houses lose their magic as you grow older.  You get bigger, they get smaller.  Dizzying heights turn into short drops.  Tree houses are for kids.

I was less than excited when a seventh grader invited me to his birthday party last Saturday, which he said was in a tree house.  Not wanting to say no, I drove an hour and a half to arrive at Tree to Tree Adventure Park, near Gaston, Oregon.

And wow.  This place is insanely fun and intensely scary.  It is not your normal tree house.  Think of it more as an obstacle course anywhere from 25 to 60 feet off the ground.  If you are scared of heights like I am, you will find yourself sweating and clammy try to navigate the course 60 feet off the ground.  

Our party did the Aerial Course (there is also a zip line tour).  They harness you up, and run you through a beginner course teaching how to use your "lobster claws," the things that save your life when you inevitably fall.

Then, just as the name says, you spend your time going from tree to tree.  Or trying to.  There are six different, and progressively difficult courses.  The obstacles are called "elements", the majority of which are  wobbly beams and tightropes, with varying amounts of things to hold onto.  Each element does have a guide wire above you, that you're clipped into, but they encourage you not to use it if possible.  The courses also include zip lines.  

Up in the trees, fear is powerful.  Feats I could have done easily on the ground became nearly impossible in the sky.  Still I managed the early courses relatively well, but the fifth course "Red" shook me.  By the time we graduated to the final course, ominously labeled "Black," I got the sense that whoever designed it did so to purposefully and sadistically break my spirit.  I spent the majority of it clutching the guide wire and praying.  

The worst single obstacle was jumping from one platform to another, 60 feet off the ground, with nothing to hold onto.  No beams, no ropes, just my courage.  Which sadly failed.  I held the guide wire and awkwardly stepped across the chasm using my abnormally long legs.  My seventh grade companions made the leap with little to no hesitation.

Pictured:  Easy elements

The course requires faith.  Faith in the equipment.  I know its all rated to thousands of pounds, but still its just little strips of metal and cloth.   I would hate to be the one guy in a million who has his harness break.  And its hard for me not to think about that when I'm putting my life entirely in its hands.

I was I was glad to be done, but unsatisfied with myself.  I'll go back soon and challenge myself a little more.  

Swimming with Sharks

I don't like to swim alone in the ocean. My logic works like this: if a shark came with the intention of eating a human and I am swimming alone, there is a nearly 100% chance I will be eaten. If I am swimming with another person, that drops to 50%. The more people the better.

The other day I was at the beach. No one else wanted to swim, and I hate sitting on a towel and frying. So in I went, snorkel gear in hand. Normally, I don't stray far from the shore. There's plenty of crabs, fish, and other things to make it interesting. I figured I would casually move myself to the fringe of another group for safety and have a look around. But this day there was another snorkler a ways off, swimming in rocky patch where I imagined there would be even cooler sights to see.

Calculating my shark-odds, I approached him and asked if there were fish to be seen. He nodded in the affirmative and waved me closer. As I got closer, a 2 foot long harpoon-gun materialized in his hand. This possibility I had not calculated. Fortunately, it was not pointed at me. Turns out he was fishing, and he already had three purple fish the size of my hand strung on a wire. Las Terrenas is full of people carrying all manner of fish, crab, or shrimp through the street looking to sell them to whoever is interested. He wanted me to help, and asked me to carry his fish.

I tagged along, trailing behind me a string of dead fish, scanning the briny deep for any predators larger than myself. My new partner swam and dove, peeking under rock outcroppings for his particular pray, and meanced all sea life in general with his harpoon. We were a good team.

But then the following train of thought ran through my mind: Sharks eat fish. People chum the water with dead fish to attract sharks. I am holding a lot of dead fish. I am chum.

With that I bid a hasty good-bye, and beat a retreat to the shallow waters. Below I've listed two of my other ocean phobia. On another note, so far my faithful blog readers have raised ZERO dollars for the very worthy cause I wrote about here. Go check it out, please, and donate something, even if it's 5$. Every little bit helps.

Other Things to be Scared of in the Ocean:

1. Giant Squid/Octopus
   I saw a giant squid once at the Smithsonian. It was big. Its tentacles long. Death by octopus would be extremly unpleasant. A big purply arm reaching out of the deep, encircling you, drawing you towards its gaping maw. It might ink you if you struggle hard enough, but eventually you wind up in its mouth where it gums you until you are no more. Fortunately they are rare and as of today no one has died by octopus.
   
   
2. Sting Rays
   Sting rays, I heard, have the most painful, non-fatal sting of anything on the planet. They hide under the sand until you step on one and WHAM! You're down for the count. My friend Joe once got stung by a sting ray in Ecuador and they had to call a doctor.
   
   
3. Put Your Own Here
   What else should I fear in the ocean? Leave a comment. Let me know!