10 Years: Never Let Fear Dictate Anything

Now that I'm 30, I'm on a plan to guide the next 10 years of my life.  I've set out a number of principles I want to live by.  Number 4:  Never let fear dictate anything.

Fear and a lack of ability are the greatest culprits that limit the course of our life.  One we can't do anything about, but one we can.

Lets look at lack of ability.  Each of us has a certain level of natural talent in any given area, like singing, basketball, or art.  We can hone and improve these abilities, but will eventually run into the ceiling of what we can accomplish.

Example 1:  No matter how hard I put into my basketball game, I will never be able to touch LeBron James on the basketball court.  This is an assumption, because I never attempted to become a professional basketball player.

Example 2:  No matter how many singing lessons I take, I will remain a terrible singer.  This is a fact, because I have taken singing lessons, and was even the lead singer of Christian rock band(!) in college.  We were awful, and I am largely to blame.

These are God given limitations and I don't feel bad for them.  I am who I am.  I'm good at other things, like playing video games, or reading quickly.   And even though my Christian rock band sucked in nearly every way a band can suck, it was still a really awesome experience, one I would never trade.

Yes, the singing was terrible, the guitars hit more wrong notes than right notes, and our drummer was more into anime than being a drummer.  We still played shows in front of hundreds of people.  We made a demo CD that people actually bought.  Kids asked us for autographs.  Somewhere, some kid who is probably off to college now has a CD signed by me stuffed in some drawer.

I actually feel a little guilty that someone paid money for my CD, so if you happen to own an Again United CD, I will refund you $3.

Fear is a different beast.  Fear kills experiences before they ever happen.  Fear turns failure from a life enriching learning experience into an all-consuming boogie man.  Fear must be avoided.  Failure must be embraced.

Fear of failure can keep us from so many great things in life.  And worst of all, when you don't try something because you were afraid, for the rest of your life you'll never know what might have happened.  I don't want to be laying on my Death Bed wondering if I ever could have been a rock star.

I've applied this in other areas of my life.  I started a business at age 23.  It failed, but morphed into a non-profit that did a lot of good.  I plan on taking the lessons from my first business and hope to start another one at some point in my life.

And I've failed to do this in other areas of my life.  Take my wonderful girlfriend, who nannies at the school where I teach.  The first time I saw her she literally took my breath away, she was so beautiful.  I literally walked past her every day for a year, and never got the nerve up to say hi.   Day after day I walked by her, my courage wilting and words sticking in my throat.  Then summer came and I saw her no more.  I kicked myself for that, but luckily got a second chance when met by chance at a local festival.  But we don't always get second chances.

If you aren't failing, you aren't trying.  We all have dreams and aspirations that we're afraid to even say aloud because they seem so unlikely.  Say them.  Dream them.  Do them.  You might fail, you might succeed, but you will never know if you don't try.

10 Year Plan: The Most Important People in my Life are the Most Important Thing in My Life

I wrote out 6 core beliefs to plan the next 10 years of my life around.  Here they are:

1. Anything worth doing will be hard.
2. Do one thing at a time and one thing only.
3. The most important people in my life are the most important thing in life.
4. Never let fear dictate anything.
5. Money is a tool.
6. Billionaire moments are everywhere.

Third on my list: the most important people in my life are the most important thing in my life.

I used to believe that people are the most important thing in life.  That statement probably reflects my optimistic, non-confrontational nature.  I like to get along with everyone.  I want everyone to be my friend.

Now I qualify that statement to: The most important people in my life are the most important thing in life.  There's quite a big difference between those two statements.  Before, I included the whole of mankind.  Now, just my immediate circle of family and friends.

That's not to say that all people aren't important.  I strongly believe they are.  And let me be clear, I believe I should treat even people I don't like with respect and kindness.  But by placing family and friends in the position of most important, I prioritize my life in the right way.  If we were to all divide the world into three simple categories based on our relationships it might look like this:

• Family and friends.
• Acquaintances, people you pass on the street, random folks on the bus, people we haven't met yet.
• People we don't get along with.

Now, how should we rank those groups in order of importance?  A pretty simple question for most of us.  Family and friends should be first, acquaintances second, and people we don't like third.

Maybe my past self would call this social hierarchy sad and cynical, but I know now I can't make everyone like me all the time.  Having beliefs, having principles, having to make decisions invariably will upset someone.  And frankly, there are some people out there who just might not like me.  And try as I might, there are some people who I just don't like either!

At the same time, I have been blessed to have amazing people in my life.  Some I inherited by birth, like my mother and father.  Others I've found traveling through life, and for whatever reason they decide to call me friend.  However they came into my life, I am convinced that the friendship, loyalty, and experiences I share with these people make them worth more than anything I own or could possibly own.

Yet, my own behavior seems to show I rank them otherwise.  Lets take this scenario: a friend invites you out to an event you both want to go to, but you know someone you don't want see (ex girlfriend, sworn enemy, Miley Cyrus, i.e) will be there.  We've all been in this position.

Logically, I should let the people I don't like influence my life the least, so I should go to the event with my friend.  Yet, many times I elect not to spend time with my friend for fear of running into the person I don't like.  I place the person who should be at the bottom of my priority list on the top.  It makes no sense!

Indeed, sometimes the ones we love the most we treat the worst.  I can spend all day forcing myself to smile and be friendly to strangers, then snap at my girlfriend when I come home.  We fear the opinions of strangers more than those we love.  Maybe this becuase people who really care for us are the ones who have seen our ugly sides and our faults and love us anyway.  Maybe we think, "they'll still love for me anyway," while we put on a happy face in public because they probably won't.

Whatever the rationale, it shouldn't be that way.  Again, we shouldn't be rude, mean, etc to anyone (even those we don't like!), but we should definitely give our loved ones our best.  Put them first.  They are the ones who will be for you through the thick and thin.  The rest of the world?  If they are there at all, they sure won't be there for you when things get tough.

Family and true friends are treasure.  For the next 10 years of my life, it's my goal to treat them that way.

10 Year Plan: Do One Thing At A Time

Sunday, I wrote out the 6 core beliefs that I'm trying to focus the next 10 years of my life around.  Here they are:

1. Anything worth doing will be hard.
2. Do one thing at a time and one thing only.
3. Where you spend your time is who you are.
4. The most important people in my life are the most important thing in my life.
5. Never let fear dictate anything.
6. Money is a tool.
7. Billionaire moments are everywhere.

Second on my list: Do one thing at a time.

Humans are not capable of multi-tasking.  I know this because I've read it before.  Yet still I persist in trying to do more than one thing at a time, as if I've taken some evolutionary leap and the rules don't apply to me.

My experience fits what I've read.  When I try to do more than one thing at a time, I end up doing nothing.  The biggest culprit for me is my phone.  Literally, as I type these words, I want to grab it and read my Twitter feed.  Basically anything that glows attracts me like a moth.  Phone, TV, computer, all irresistible.  Perhaps I'm a product of my generation, but I feel  can only devote about 5 minutes to something before I seek distraction elsewhere.

To be more productive and achieve my lofty goals (which I'll post at the end of this series), I am trying to simply Do One Thing at a Time.  It sounds simple, and it is.  The benefits of focusing entirely on the task at hand are enormous.  First of all, the task gets done . Second, living in the moment is the only logical way to live.  We only get each moment, each minute, each day once.  Why live it distracted?

When I look at all the things I wish I had more time for, writing and working out mainly, I sometimes wonder how much I could get done if I devoted all my phone time to one of those tasks instead.  If I am normal for the millennial generation, it's arguable that I spend more time on my phone than doing any other particular thing throughout my day.  That's sad.  No one wants to look back at a life lived through a 2 inch by 5 inch screen.

It's hard to make new habits, and this has been my hardest habit to break.  I'm trying to leave my phone in my pocket more, and better yet at home.  I try to not mindlessly surf the web when I have work to do, or when I'm writing.  I try to live entirely in the moment.  It's not going to be easy, but more than anything else I attempt to do in the next 10 years of my life, doing one thing at a time will do the most to help me achieve my goals. 

10 Year Plan: Anything Worth Doing Will Be Hard

Yesterday I wrote out the 6 core beliefs that I'm trying to focus the next 10 years of my life around.  Here they are:

1. Anything worth doing will be hard.
2. Do one thing at a time and one thing only.
3. The most important people in my life are the most important thing in my life.
4. Never let fear dictate anything.
5. Money is a tool.
6. Billionaire moments are everywhere.

The first on my list: Anything worth doing is hard.

You do only live once, and I want that life to count  I've always aspired to live an exceptional life and do exceptional things.  That's why I started this blog way-back-when in the first place.

The problem with being exceptional is this: it's hard.  Even my mundane, New Years Eve-like, goals take work.  Getting in shape, blogging regularly, and saving more money aren't particularly exceptional, and those aren't easy!

Then I think about some of the bigger ambitions I've aspired to over the years: Starting a non-profit or social enterprise that changes the world.  Being a life changing teacher.  Writing a book.  Those are extremely difficult to do. 

It makes sense, if it were easy to do exceptional things, everyone would do them.  We'd all be Mark Zuckerburgs running around starting social media empires.  By it's definition, an exceptional life is different than normal.  Everyone wants to be great, famous, recognized, etc.  But the majority of us, myself foremost, don't want to put in the amount of work necessary to achieve exceptionality.  We take the path of least resistance.  Why work hard to be a great writer, artist, athlete, what-have-you when something as easy as a sex tape can get you your 15 minutes of fame.  Or in my case, why work hard when you can watch Family Guy on Netflix when you get tired.

Exceptional people are weird,in a good way.   They have the discipline to do what is necessary to achieve their goals.  Without a doubt, I have not been exceptional in anyway at anything in the first 30 years of my life.  I have an assorted set of skills ranging from the decent (Being able to teach 7th graders about Ancient Rome), to the awful (golf).  There is nothing that I have devoted myself to being exceptional at, with the possible exception of Halo back in college.  

In the next 10 years of my life, I plan to change that.

10 Year Life Plan: The Long Term vs Short Term View of Life

The age of 30 has given me a little longer view of life.  Until recently, the "future" seemed distant and hazy.  The age 30 itself seemed old and scary.  I felt an urgency to do things now, and lived my life accordingly.

In some ways that's good, as I've certainly experienced a wide variety of things.  Between the ages of 19 and 23 I started a band, started a business, and lived overseas.  None lasted longer than a year, though

As a member of the instant gratification generation has brought some predictably bad results too.  Take financially, where rather than taking the slow and steady route, I've bounced around some get rich quick ideas ranging from the idiotic (I'll count cards in blackjack just like the MIT guys), to the arrogant (I can play the stock market like Bradley Cooper in Limitless!).  All have been expensive.

Recently a 70 year old relative came to visit.  You never have guessed he was 70.  He is mobile, active, and strong.  He just retired, and talks about all of his life's ambitions.  I had him pegged in the early 60's, until I found out otherwise.  He got me thinking, if all goes well, I have at least 40 good years left!  Then I asked myself this question: 

Knowing what I know now, and starting from where I am now, what do I want to do in 40 years?

*Now of course "if all goes well" is a pretty major caveat. I just watched Titanic, so I won't tempt fate and presume anything past today.  

"Unsinkable, eh? Mwahaha"

As I tried to answer that question, I was surprised that I couldn't.  At all.  The only answers I had were incredibly generic:  "Have kids" and "Be a billionaire!" 

Looking at my life more closely though, that doesn't surprise me.  I don't have direction or a plan, and instead have momentum from living day to day.  At age 23 I became a teacher, and have kept with it because I love it.  At age 26 I moved into a house, because I could.  At age 29, I found my wonderful girlfriend because I finally got the courage to talk to her after chickening out for over a year (true story).

Frankly, I think it is and was OK for me to not know everything I want out of life.  I don't want to live off some script.  Many of the best friends and experiences I have in life have come from unplanned and unexpected circumstances.  And especially when I was younger it was important to find my place in the world, so to speak. 

Now that I'm 30, I've figured out a lot more about what I believe in and who I want to be.  I've laid out at 10 year plan for myself, organized on the following six beliefs about life:

1. Anything worth doing will be hard.
2. Do one thing at a time and one thing only.
3. The most important people in my life are the most important thing in life.
4. Never let fear dictate anything.
5. Money is a tool.
6. Billionaire moments are everywhere.

Over the next week I'll be explaining each, then I'll share my 10 year plan at the end.