The logic of life and time can be suffocating. Each moment only happens once. Each day you can never get back.
I distinctly remember passing the bigger kids in the hall in 3rd grade and saying, "I wish I was a middle schooler!"
I remember in 6th grade standing on my lawn thinking, "Someday I'll be 20."
Those milestones then seemed impossibly over the horizon. I know milestones that seem distant now will come.
The present is so powerful, it buries people, memories, friends, songs, and places from the past. But when triggered, the nostalgia is so powerful in my chest it feels like something is trying to claw out. There is something very sad in the knowledge, what was will never be. Sometimes the sadness is beautiful. Sometimes it is frightening.
In happier moments I embrace change. The day to day of life is good. But it is all just borrowed time. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.