Thursday, July 21, 2011

Will I Be Single Forever? Maybe. Am I Worried? No.

As my 20s tick by while I remain a bachelor, more and more people ask me "When are you going to get married?

They all have different agendas.

  • My parents want grand kids so they can dote on them, bake them cookies, buy them toys, etc.  While I sympathize, that doesn't convince me, because they can still do those things for me.
  • My students probably ask me the most.  They think its weird that I'm single.  27 seems old to them, which it did to me at their age. But taking dating advice from middle schoolers is never a good idea, unless they suggest I marry Taylor Swift, which I would do.
  • My coworkers often try to set me up with friends.  This has never worked, obviously.  Its dangerous territory, because whether or not the relationship works, I still have to work with the person who set me up.  And I secretly suspect they are more concerned with finding their single friend a good guy than with my bachelorhood.

Frankly, the only reasons I have for marriage are pragmatic, not romantic.  Married couples are better off financially, especially DINKs (Double Income, No Kids).  And if I did have kids, they could help me with yard work.  Right now I have to pay kids to come help me with yard work.

I do know a number of happily married couples, and do want that in my life eventually.  But not yet.  Here is a quick summary of why I am still not married at the old age of 27:

1.)  Marriage is a Big Deal.  Marriage is not something to do because you hit a certain age, or people feel you should, or you are lonely.  Marriage will not make you happy if you are unhappy.  It requires commitment and hard work and requires that you give up at least some of your desires and wants to another person.  It demands that you commit your life to someone who is not you.  I have not yet found the person who I want to do that for.   Until I do, I won't get married.

2.)  I want to choose right and choose once.  I've seen so many people my age and younger get married and divorced.  It does not look fun, especially when kids are involved.  

3.)  Being single is fun. A very wise man told me once "celebrate your singleness." I'll only have this freedom in my life once (ideally).  Not in any swinging bachelor kind of way, but I like the freedom to do what I want, when I want.  I have work commitments and that's it.  The rest of my time is mine to be spent doing the things I like:  Being with friends and family, improving myself, helping others, and traveling.

4.)  It's very possible I'm not mature enough for marriage yet.

Will I ever get married?   Yes, if I meet the right person.  If I never do, then maybe I won't and that's OK.  If you're in a similar situation, I'd be curious to hear what you think.  

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